analineblue (analineblue) wrote,
analineblue
analineblue

[Fic] A Map (written on your heart), Chapter 3

Title: A Map (written on your heart)
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5,241
Chapter: 3 (of 7)
Warnings: This chapter mentions canonical character death.

Summary: The evolution of Kurt and Blaine, from the back seat of a car at Mr. Schue’s wedding, to Bushwick, to I am a work in progress. (Or, the one where Kurt Hummel becomes Kurt Hummel-Anderson, a decade earlier than planned.)

(Read Chapter 1, Chapter 2)

Also posted to AO3


April, 2014

It’s finally spring, and the city is thawing out, opening its windows after months of being shut up behind closed doors. There’s grass in the park up the street, bright green and beautiful in the sun, and the last time Kurt walked through Central Park, there were flowers blooming along the reservoir. Everything around him feels bright and sunny and new.

There’s a plum blossom tree on the way to the subway that Kurt takes a picture of on his way to class one morning. The pink flowers are brilliant in the early morning light. Even on his cell phone, the contrast against the light blue of the sky is striking. He’s one touch away from sending the image to Blaine, before he stops himself.

It’s not that he expects Blaine will read anything into it, or that there’s really anything to read into in the first place, but… A month ago, this was a tree on their block, on their way to the train, on their way to school. It’s something else now, and that realization brings a lump to Kurt’s throat, and a wave of longing that he has a hard time shaking off.

Blaine has assured Kurt that he's okay with all of this – has reminded him that it was his decision to move out in the first place, that this will make them stronger in the long run. Kurt believes this, too, and he’s grateful to Rachel, and to his dad, and to everyone else, for how easy they’ve made this on them, for how little explaining they’ve had to do.

But sometimes none of that matters. Even if Kurt still sees Blaine all the time, and talks to him all the time, and even if objectively speaking, it’s just this one thing between them that’s changed - sometimes it just hurts, not having him around.

**

“I know it’s probably not my place to say this,” Rachel says, sliding the door to the loft open. “But I really kind of miss Blaine.”

“Rachel,” Kurt warns, but there’s no real bite to it, though part of him really does hope she’ll just drop it.

He’s had a hard enough time convincing himself that this self-imposed distance between them is working, let alone someone else. Let alone Rachel, who will see through him in about two seconds.

She tosses her purse (Kate Spade from last season - not one of Kurt’s favorites) onto the couch and collapses down next to it.

“I know, I know - I’m sorry,” Rachel tells him, her face sympathetic. “But you have to admit, he gives the best shoulder rubs.”

Kurt smiles at that, hangs his jacket by the door.

“Makes the best hot chocolate, too,” he reminds her. He watches as she closes her eyes, as if she’s reveling in the memory.

“Oh my god, yes. Even if I did have to remind him twice to make mine with almond milk.”

Kurt sighs as he joins Rachel on the couch. There are a lot of things that Blaine is very good at, and Kurt misses every single one of them, every single day.

“Sometimes I think I should just tell him to move back in, already.”

There’s a surprising little thrill that rushes up in Kurt’s chest, just saying those words out loud.

Rachel kicks off her shoes and tucks her feet up next to Kurt’s. “So why don’t you?”

“Really, Rachel?”

“What?”

Her eyes are wide and innocent, and Kurt just shakes his head.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Why not? I know you miss him too.”

“Of course I do,” Kurt says quickly, and sure enough, there’s Blaine puttering around in the kitchen, rearranging the wine glasses or the serving spoons or the measuring bowls for the third time in as many days, or apologizing against Kurt’s earlobe in the middle of the night, because he knows that no matter how quiet he is when he gets up to pee, Kurt will always wake up.

Yes, there are quite a few very specific things that Kurt misses about Blaine right now. And he still has those things, of course, just not quite so easily, not every day, or every night, not right next to him, not right now.

“Missing Blaine is just… It’s not the point,” Kurt says finally, blinking at Rachel. “The point is that we decided we were going to do this right, this time.”

“It’s really very mature of you.” Rachel nods, raises her eyebrows in appreciation.

“Thank you,” he says, though the last thing he feels anymore is good about this decision.

He glances at the clock. Late, he thinks, and lets out a long breath. He’s tense, and he’s tired, and it’s not just because he’s spent the day racing around the city, from class to rehearsal, and back to class again. Fighting with Blaine every day had been exhausting, but this cautious uncertainty that seems to creep into his every thought is exhausting too. He shakes his head, looks up at Rachel.

“Honestly, I have no idea what we’re doing. I mean, we promised each other that we wouldn’t go backwards. But that’s exactly what this is, right?”

“I don’t know, Kurt. Maybe,” she admits, and then quickly turns to face him. “But that doesn’t mean it’s a permanent thing! It doesn’t mean you can’t fix it.”

“I don’t understand why we can’t stop screwing everything up,” Kurt says, and the look that flashes across Rachel’s face makes his stomach twist uncomfortably. “Please don’t look at me like that. This relationship has been screwed up about as long as it hasn’t by now.”

“That’s not true.” Rachel’s eyes soften, she nudges Kurt with her shoulder. “Honestly, I’ve always thought you guys were perfect together.”

The statement sounds so honest, so pure, and Kurt really, really wants to believe it. He does believe it, he realizes. He’s just not sure if believing is enough.

He sniffles – there are frustrated tears just under the surface, threatening. They’ve been there ever since Rachel said Blaine’s name, and started this whole thing.

“I don’t know what to do,” he admits. “Sometimes I feel like he’s waiting for me to tell him he can come back, like I’ve sent him away for bad behavior or something.”

“But he seems happy at Mercedes’ place, right?”

“Of course he seems happy.” Kurt lets out a bitter laugh. “If I have to listen to him tell me one more time how wonderful and perfect and convenient it is living in Prospect Park, I’m going to strangle him.”

“Well, hopefully it won’t come to that.”

Kurt sucks in a long breath, trying to pull himself together. He stares at Rachel, wishing she would just tell him what he wants to hear already, even though he’s not even sure what that is anymore. He’s frustrated with himself for not being able to figure this out, and with Blaine, too, for acting like this is all going so well, like he couldn’t be happier.

“I really love him, Rachel,” Kurt says, trying to keep his voice steady. “And he’s so good. He’s a good person, and he’s really good for me. Whatever’s going on with us now, that doesn’t change the fact that he knows me, and gets me, and that we’re great together, right? Please tell me I’m not crazy.”

“You’re only a little crazy,” Rachel teases. “And Blaine is the best for you. You don’t need me to tell you that.”

Rachel grabs his hand and squeezes it, and the look in her eyes is thoughtful, maybe even a little wise-beyond-her-years, if he squints. Rachel is a lot of things, but Kurt knows that she’s also an observant friend, and she’s known Kurt and Blaine a long time. She’s seen them through good and bad times before.

“And in the long run,” Rachel says, squeezing his hand again, “I don’t think it’s going to matter how many fights you had about rehearsals running late, or what to cook for dinner, or anything else. And I don’t think it’s going to matter that you lived apart for a few months back when you were engaged. What matters is that you love each other. Right?”

Kurt nods, but doesn’t trust his voice right away.

“Right now, I think you just need to relax, and let it go. See how you both feel a few weeks from now.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says finally. “You’re probably right.”

“I’m always right,” Rachel says, smiling wide, and Kurt thinks that for once, he won’t roll his eyes, he’ll just go ahead and believe her. “And you know, he really loves you, too.”

Kurt just nods, and is surprised to find her studying him seriously.

“At the hospital,” she says, “before you woke up, you know he never left your side for a second. Sam had to remind him to eat. Brought him these horrible little donut things from the vending machine.”

Kurt smiles a little. Blaine had been so sweet and caring and gentle, afterwards. It’s pretty much the only thing worth smiling about, when it comes to those couple of days. “He told me he was ready to say he was my brother, if anyone gave him any trouble.”

It was one of the first things Blaine had said to him after he woke up. Kurt’s memory from that day is a cloudy haze of dull pain and too-bright lights, and Blaine, promising he’d be right there, assuring Kurt that he wasn’t going anywhere, no matter what. He’d made Kurt promise to corroborate his brother story, should it come to that. It hadn’t, but Blaine’s determination had surprised him - had impressed him, really.

“Well, he barely said a word to any of us,” Rachel says. “He was completely focused on you. I think he would have stayed there for a week if he had to.”

Kurt tries to blink them away, but it doesn’t work - he has to wipe a couple of tears from his cheek as he tries to smile. “Are you sure you’re trying to make me feel better?”

“Just trying to give you a little perspective.”

“Thanks,” Kurt says, leaning into her embrace as she wraps her arms around his shoulders, warm and solid, and exactly what he needs. “I have no idea what I’d do without you sometimes.”

**

Keeping things in perspective is a lot easier said than done, of course.

It’s a Sunday night, and they’re at one of Rachel’s never-ending Broadway after-parties. Kurt has probably had one too many glasses of champagne, and conveniently, Blaine doesn't seem to have much of an off-switch lately either.

He’s not sloppy-drunk yet, just a little, and just a little, as it happens, turns Kurt on a lot. The way Blaine gets all handsy with him in public drives him crazy, and the way his eyes go dark when Kurt runs a hand up his thigh under the table just makes him want to do more, to go further.

The back booth of the bar isn't quite as dark as they'd like it to be, but neither of them really hesitate, they both just lean in to each other's faces after a while and go at it. It's messy and noisy, and when Kurt slides his hand up and under the edge of Blaine's polo shirt he feels Blaine's stomach clench under his fingers and it's like a shot of adrenaline in Kurt's veins. He wants--

"Shit, Kurt," Blaine is saying, against his chin, his neck. It's making Kurt dizzy, the feel of Blaine's breath, the warmth of his hands on his waist.

And then Blaine is pulling him up and out of the booth, and Kurt realizes that they're going to do this in a public restroom and wow, the things that does to him right now - it's a little scary. He tries to remember how many drinks he's had, because the room is kind of spinning, but Blaine has his hand, has his arm around Kurt’s waist, and he’s weaving them fairly efficiently through the sea of people between their table and the back of the bar.

And then they're in the bathroom, and Kurt's thinking they need to be careful, discreet – but then his back is pressed up against the stall door and Blaine hands are all over him, and it’s really hard to think straight.

Before he can even fumble the door locked behind his back, Blaine's hands are deftly undoing his belt, and then Blaine is on his knees. The universe tilts on its axis then, and Kurt just closes his eyes to it, tries to ground himself. But Blaine is going all out down there and it's making fireworks go off all over Kurt's body. He's trembling for god's sake - it's like his whole body is humming, or god, no, that's Blaine, and he's so close and--

"Oh my god," Kurt says as he opens his eyes and tries to breathe. Suddenly he sees this situation for what it is.

Really, really hot, he'll give Blaine that, because staring down at this man on his knees, polo shirt unbuttoned all the way to the second button, face flushed, his tongue darting out of that pretty, pretty mouth is nothing if not hot - but it's also just so dirty. And not in a good way.

"Oh god, I can't do this in here," Kurt says, stumbling a little as he tries to pull up his pants. Blaine reluctantly stands up, and like a magnet, attaches himself to Kurt's side, breathing against his neck, lips brushing against his earlobe.

"It is a little gross," Blaine says with a sigh that sends a chill down Kurt's spine.

"Yeah, let's go home," Kurt says, and the second the word is out of his mouth he freezes. Blaine does too, Kurt feels his body tense against him. "I mean-- We should-- Your place is--"

"Yeah," Blaine says quickly. “Okay.” And he's reaching around Kurt to unlock the door before Kurt is even able to focus on his face. "I'll go first."

The rest of the bathroom is still empty. As far as Kurt knows, no one else has come in, but he still appreciates Blaine's attempt at decency. Or he would, if the fake smile on Blaine's face didn't feel like a very sharp knife lodged in his chest.

"I’ll meet you outside." Kurt keeps hearing Blaine’s voice in his head, even after the door closes behind him.

The wave of utter sadness that washes over Kurt in the next moment is almost enough to make his knees weak. He knows he's had a little too much to drink tonight, but what he's feeling now is sobering, if anything. He suddenly wishes they’d gone in for another round. Because it hits him right then. Blaine isn't home anymore. They had broken that, and he's not even sure why anymore. But the look in Blaine's eyes just now, that horrible fake smile... It's too much.

Kurt quickly tucks everything back into place, and pushes open the stall door. He doesn't bother glancing in the mirror; he knows he’s a mess.

Outside the bathroom, he starts to make his way through the sea of people again, and suddenly Rachel is there.

"I just saw Blaine," she says, standing in front of him, looking exhausted, but in that happy, post-performance blissed out way that Kurt hasn’t felt in forever. “He was on his way outside.”

“Hey." Rachel grabs his hand a second later. "You okay? You look...not-okay."

"I'm fine," Kurt says, forcing a smile. "Too much champagne."

She grins, like he’s let her in on a secret. "Well, as long as Blaine gets you home in one piece, I won't tell anyone..."

**

He finds Blaine outside - around the corner from the crowd of smokers gathered around the front entrance. He’s sitting on his heels, rocking back and forth a little, full of nervous energy. His expression is blank. When he hears Kurt's voice, he bounces up.

"Everything okay? I was about to come look for you," Blaine says, leaning in with concern. A hand on Kurt’s shoulder. A glint in Blaine's eyes that says are we okay and the wave of sadness is back, because since when does Blaine have to wonder that so much Kurt can recognize it on his face, in his eyes.

"I'm fine. Ran into Rachel," Kurt explains. He doesn't know what else to say. Suddenly, out here in the brisk night air everything seems exposed. He's not sure why that's so terrifying, but it makes him keep his mouth shut all the same.

"So, um--"

"Your place is closer," Kurt says without meeting Blaine's eyes. "And I don't have class until ten."

"Okay," Blaine says. He opens his mouth, closes it. Paints on a smile. "Let's go then."

"Don't," Kurt says when Blaine tries to weave their fingers together. They stop in the middle of the sidewalk. A tall guy in a leather jacket jostles past them, smelling like a liquor store. Blaine just stares at Kurt, resigned, hurt.

"Okay, this," Kurt says. "This how I want you to look at me." Confusion flashes over Blaine's face. "Don't ever fake a smile at me again, okay? I can tell. I can always tell. And it hurts."

Kurt's realizes that he's crying. Ugly wet tears are dripping off his nose, his chin. He swipes the back of his hand across his face angrily.

"I'm sorry," Blaine is saying. "I'm trying really hard to--"

"Well, I don't want you to try, okay? I want you to be honest with me."

Kurt realizes that he's raising his voice, that he sounds shrill and panicky, which he figures is fine, because that's exactly how he feels right now.

"This is me being honest, Kurt. I’m sorry, but I don't think I know what you want from me."

"I want you to tell me when something is wrong. If I hurt you. If I’m wrong about something important, I want you to tell me."

"Okay. I think I do that. Or at least I try to."

They're walking again, making progress towards Blaine's place, and Kurt wipes the last of the tears off his face, trying to keep it together. Trying not to be that couple, fighting on the street in the middle of the night.

"I'm tired of you putting such a positive spin on everything," Kurt says, as they climb the stairs to Mercedes' walk-up.

"Okay..."

"It's your worst quality," Kurt mumbles.

Recognition blooms on Blaine's face. "Hey, isn't that from--"

They’d seen If/Then on Broadway a few weeks ago with Rachel - it’s a stupid quote, and Kurt kind of hates how quickly Blaine gets the reference. How it disarms him, just a little, because it feels familiar, and safe and easy. It’s everything Kurt has always loved about loving Blaine, and it’s not enough, because he still feels terrible.

"Yes,” Kurt says, clenching his jaw, not smiling. “Now shut up."

They're inside now, and the weight of everything seems to fall back on Kurt’s shoulders in an instant. They sit, facing each other on Blaine's bed. Kurt stares at his hands, at the bedspread, anywhere but Blaine's face. And then Blaine grabs his hand. Rubs his thumb over Kurt’s wrist.

"What's going on?" Blaine asks. "I thought we were good, I thought this was working."

Kurt swallows, thinks of any number of things he could/should say right now, and somehow settles on, "I miss you."

He feels Blaine squeeze his hand. Watches Blaine's head drop a little, watches him cover his eyes with his other hand. Hears him sniffle. He forces himself to meet Blaine's eyes.

"Do you miss me?" Kurt asks and at first Blaine just stares at him for a moment, and then his eyes cloud over.

"Yes," he says quietly. "Yes, Kurt, I miss you. All the time."

"But?"

"But I'm trying to do the right thing. We both are. Aren't we?"

"I hope so," Kurt says. "I'm not sure," he admits, and he can feel new tears springing up behind his eyes. He turns away from Blaine, buries his face in his elbow for a second. He lets out a nervous laugh. "Please never let me have more than two drinks again."

Blaine laughs, and then he pulls Kurt into a tight hug, and doesn't let go. To Kurt's back, Blaine says, "I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid you'd think I was pushing for something. And I'm not. But of course I miss you." Blaine's grip tightens. "And Kurt, believe me, I’m trying not to dwell on it, because I know how strong you are, but seeing you in that hospital bed… It really kind of freaked me out. No matter what I just—I don’t want to lose you."

"I'm right here," Kurt says, and shifts so that he can see Blaine's face. "We're getting married," Kurt says. "I--we—we love each other. I’m sitting here sobbing my heart out to you. You know how much I hate that."

Blaine lets out a shaky laugh. "Well, you can always blame it on the champagne..."

Kurt narrows his eyes. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Blaine leans in, presses their foreheads together. His hands rest on Kurt's neck, steadying them.

"We're going to be okay, right?"

"Better than okay," Kurt says, and the first time in a while, he actually feels okay. He focuses on Blaine’s hands, on his fingers against the base of his neck. Every time Blaine breathes, every time his fingers move, even a tiny bit, Kurt feels the hairs on his arms react, feels it all the way down his spine.

"Yeah,” Blaine says. “And in the future, I promise not to be nearly as positive about any of this."

Kurt laughs. "You know that’s not what I--"

"I know,” Blaine says, and he presses a quick kiss to Kurt's lips. Then, seriously, “I'll be more honest. I promise."

"Me, too," Kurt says, before he presses a not-at-all quick kiss to Blaine's lips, which part easily, and before he knows it, they’ve pretty much picked up where they left off in the bathroom.

Kurt is grateful - he’s not sure how much more talking he had in him tonight, and kissing Blaine, losing himself in Blaine’s touch, in the warm press of Blaine’s body against his has always been nothing if not easy.

**

It doesn’t take long for Kurt to figure out that Blaine will likely be moving back in sooner rather than later, at least if the time Blaine spends at the loft (at Kurt’s encouragement, at his demand sometimes) is any indication. And Kurt knows that this is a good thing – that it’s what they both want. He really doesn’t know what he was thinking, anymore. It’s stopped making sense, wanting more space, when all he does is miss Blaine now that he has it. And especially with Rachel’s L.A. plans starting to take shape, it feels like the time is right.

There’s a very familiar fear that takes hold sometimes though, somewhere between Kurt’s head, and his heart. It creeps in late at night when Blaine isn't there, and the space next to him in bed is empty. Kurt spends hours and hours sometimes, staring up at the ceiling until the silence starts to feel heavy, and dark, and he forces his brain to stop, to sleep.

He’s not afraid that Blaine will cheat on him again. He’s come to terms with that – he trusts Blaine. It’s not perfect, and it’s not always easy, but he’s made his choice.

He’s not angry anymore, either. He had been, had been blindingly, fiercely angry, when he’d found out about June, and the showcase, but… He also understands. Especially since he moved out, Blaine has seemed laser-focused on giving Kurt exactly what he wants, all the time. The showcase had been a thing that Kurt had really wanted, and Blaine had wanted to give it to him. He understands. Anger fades.

It’s the things that don’t fade that worry him, that keep him up at night.

**

"Okay,” Rachel says one night after Blaine has gone back to his place, and after Kurt has wandered into her bedroom, complaining about not being able to sleep for the third night in a row. “I’ll play devil’s advocate if you want me to. Why did you say yes? Why did you agree to marry Blaine?"

They migrate to the couch, and curl up together under the soft grey plaid blanket he'd stolen from Blaine's apartment last month. Well, he didn’t steal it so much as he’d asked Blaine to bring it over, and then he refused to let him take it home. He likes having part of him here. Besides, all the soft, fuzzy ones he used to steal from Rachel are packed away by this point. The California deal hasn’t even been finalized yet, but Rachel’s had one foot out the door for a while.

"Because I love him," Kurt says finally, staring at the blanket.

He thinks about Blaine last year, back in Lima, telling him over and over again that he knows that they’ll be okay in the end, that this is why he proposed.

"Because I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

“Okay, what’s the problem then?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt says, but his heart catches in his throat.

He does want to spend the rest of his life with Blaine; he doesn’t doubt that - he can’t imagine anything else for himself, but… He’s been thinking about it a lot lately, and he’s not sure if that’s why he said yes on that staircase. He’s not sure if that’s why Blaine proposed, either. He thinks it might have been more complicated than that.

“Sometimes I wonder what we’re both so afraid of,” he says to Rachel. He feels old – older than the last time they had this conversation, anyway. He’s had too much time to think, maybe. Everything is scary, all of the sudden – it’s like he’s lost the ability to just feel what’s in his heart, without worrying about what it means, without worrying about the consequences. “It never used to be this scary, you know?”

He looks up at Rachel and her eyes are sad, far away.

"I was scared, too, you know," she says quietly. “With Finn.”

Kurt feels a rush of guilt. He knows how hard Rachel is trying to move on, to start over. He waits a second, and then says, carefully, “We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.”

Rachel shakes her head. “It’s okay. This is something that’s been on my mind for a while.”

She looks at him, and her eyes are dark and serious.

"Kurt, when you love someone like you love Blaine, I think maybe…you lose part of yourself,” Rachel says, and Kurt feels that familiar fear, solid and cold in his chest. “Maybe it’s the price you pay for being able to give them your love, I don’t know. But I think there comes a point when you have to decide if you're okay with that. If it's worth it. You have to decide if it’s the right time in your life to give that up.”

“I wasn’t ready,” Rachel says, simply. “And I thought I’d have another chance, but I didn’t, and I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how things might have been different, if I’d taken that chance when I had it.”

Kurt stares at her for what feels like forever. He knows that Rachel had always believed that she and Finn would end up together in the end - she’d told Kurt more than once that she was okay with their time apart, because it was what they needed, and that they’d make up for it later. Of course you never know exactly how much time you have, in the end. His father had taught him that, too.

“I’m so sorry, Rachel.”

He doesn’t know what else to say – he feels as ill-equipped as he ever has when it comes to talking about Finn; he never has any idea what to say to someone in a situation like this. He doesn't even realize that he's crying until Rachel slides closer to him, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. Her voice is quiet as she assures him that she’s okay, that they’re both okay. He feels ridiculous – he should be the one comforting her, but he just can’t stop crying.

"It's not okay though," Kurt says. "I miss him," he says fervently, like he’s trying to prove something, which is ridiculous. He’s not sure if he means Finn, or Blaine, or both of them, and then he realizes that it doesn’t matter.

He pulls the blanket up to his chin. It smells like Blaine's hair gel and it makes Kurt’s chest ache. "You know I stole this blanket from Blaine, because when he's not here, I can't stand feeling like he's completely gone. That's..." he sniffles. "That's really pathetic."

Rachel shakes her head. “It’s not pathetic. It just means you’re human, that you care.”

“I care,” Kurt says, sniffling again. “Of course I care, it’s Blaine.”

She smiles, squeezes his shoulder. "So why don’t you ask him to move back? It sounds like maybe it’s time. If everything goes well, I’ll be gone in a few weeks – you guys will have the whole place to yourselves.”

"I already did, actually. I mean, we’ve talked about it. We were going to tell you together. Once we made it official."

Rachel smiles. “I think that’s wonderful. And I have no idea why you’re still crying, because it’s obviously what you want.”

“It is,” Kurt says. Rachel hands him a tissue, which he uses to wipe his face off with as much grace as he can manage. “I’m afraid I’ll ruin it.”

Rachel shakes her head. “You’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” Kurt says, because he really doesn’t. It felt right when they talked about it– felt like a natural decision, but… He knows that when it comes down to it, this is their second try. The pressure is on. If it doesn’t work this time, they’ll know for sure. He pulls his knees to his chest.

“Ready for what?” Rachel asks.

“I don’t know – to do this, to start the rest of my life. To get married. It still feels like we’re too young.”

“So talk to him about it.”

“I have. I will, it’s just…”

“You don’t want to disappoint him,” Rachel supplies, and then shakes her head. “You won’t. Blaine loves you.”

“And I really, really love him,” Kurt says, and looks over at Rachel, a little helplessly.

“I know you do,” she says, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “That’s why I know it’ll be fine.”

“I’ve always loved Blaine, Rachel. It wasn’t enough before.”

“That’s exactly why you have to keep trying,” Rachel says. “I think that’s how you know it’s really worth it.”

“It’s everything I’ve ever wanted,” Kurt says, and like it always does when he imagines his future with Blaine, his heart flutters a little, a tiny little spike of hope in his chest. “Of course it’s worth it.”

**
Tags: fic, glee, klaine
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